Don’t Protect . . . Embolden
7 y.o.: Mom, I don’t think there’s really evil in the world. Think about it, if you were Darth Vader you’d think the Jedis were the bad guys. So there isn’t really evil, there’s just misunderstanding and people not talking to each other
This was an actual conversation my youngest, Chimp, initiated. Like many of your children, I’m sure, he’s got one of those compassionate, empathic, sensitive souls that astound me. At a time when so much negativity floods our social media streams, it is heartwarming for me to hear the kindness of our kids. And so, I shared it on my personal facebook account with the tagline, “And this is why I will always have hope for the future.”
Interestingly, of the 5 comments, 3 of them threw what I would view as a cynical twist to this. “If only it worked that way!” “I just want to protect his heart” “I am ready to build a wall around my property and just keep my kids home and believing this forever!”
I wrestled with these comments for a few days, knowing I felt disconcerted about them, but not able to put my finger on it or put words to it. And then I realized the pessimism was unsettling to me and spoke to a larger issue that needs to be confronted in our gifted world. The comments presumed that my child was naïve and would soon see the reality. They spoke to an impulse to hide these bright and compassionate souls away to keep them untainted by the grossness of the world around them. They spoke to a believe that pain and hurt and suffering and evil will overpower goodness and kindness and light.
But, what if our young souls are actually filled with wisdom? What if their compassion is just the change this world is craving? What if instead of sheltering them and hiding them away we gird them up to bring their light out into the dark places and change the world?
I’m not naïve. I understand that life is filled with difficult things. I understand that people make choices that hurt other people. Part of my wants to wrap my children up in bubble wrap and spare them the pain. I understand the impulse to protect.
But I also understand that making decisions out of fear rarely results in helpful decisions being made. And I believe that these young people are speaking truth. They are seeing possibility and connecting with the common humanity of everyone around them. They see light rather than dark.
In the current climate of the world where hate and division seem to be ruling, don’t we need to send these children out? To have them engaging with people who think differently than them? To meet differences with compassion? To confront hatred with love?
I propose that we no longer try to protect our kids. Let’s stop seeing their kindness and compassion as a weakness that makes them vulnerable. Instead of teaching them how to protect themselves and encouraging them to toughen up and harden their hearts, let’s teach them to step into their gentleness, their sweetness, their understanding. Instead of teaching them to duck and cover, let’s embolden them to step out into the world and speak their truth.
Yes, these sweet souls need guidance and they need to learn strategies to differentiate from the horrors of the world. They need to learn to regulate their emotions and compassion so they are not simply overwhelmed and paralyzed. But, we also need to have confidence in them. Train them up to be fierce advocates for compassion. Embolden them to change the world. Trust that it can be done. Teach them effective communication skills and negotiating strategies. Equip them with the tools they need and then stand ready to have their backs and send them out.
After all, maybe it won’t actually break them. Maybe they won’t be confronting evil, but will simply be engaging with people who are misunderstood and disconnected.