I feel sad. I feel shocked, yet not surprised. I feel helpless and overwhelmed. I know I am not alone.
This past week with the breaking and entering of the United States Capitol all of the fears and frustrations of all people within the United States came to a head. People like me watched as the signs from the past 4 years rose up to the next level of an attempted coup. People like some of my family and friends watched as the frustrations and building fears that they were losing their voice and country crashed through windows and broke through barricades.
As we all sat watching the images and videos in stunned silence, mired with anxiety and anger, we all hoped this would be the end. This would be the final straw that woke people up to the threat to our democracy. This would be the final show of force that pushed people into hearing those who felt powerless.
I write this three days after the attack on the Capitol. And sadly, it is far from over. We see posts and quotes threatening further assault and hear continued rhetoric aimed to incite violence and dehumanize anyone who doesn’t “see the truth”. I expect this and choose not to engage.
I will engage with those people who do share the philosophy and perspectives that I have. I write to the people who are appalled at the rhetoric against media, the rhetoric against the election, the rhetoric and actions that disregard human life and the democratic principles upon which this country was founded. I write to the people who agree with me that black lives matter, love is love, science is real, women are strong and deserve better, and humans are humans no matter how they identify or where they are from.
Among these voices I have heard that “Trumpsters” are monsters, deserve to die, that they are scum. I’ve heard people, who espouse that we need to see the humanity in all people, dehumanize the people who stormed the Capitol. I’ve heard some of the people I usually align with eager to see consequences and watch these threats to democracy suffer.
I do not know how to cross the divide in our country and world right now. But I DO know that villainizing the “other” will most definitely NOT be the answer. If we really want this divide to end, we must not fall into the trappings that anger and fear often lead. Hate, anger, and fear is what fueled the attack on the Capitol. Hate, anger, and fear pits person against person. Hate, anger, and fear inevitably leads to violent clashes, rage-fueled battles, and thinking of someone else as less than human.
The universe has been teaching me many lessons this past year and a half. One of the deepest has been on the relationship between justice, forgiveness, boundaries, and compassion. Anyone who knows me knows that I will prioritize compassion above all else. I hear of a school shooter and I feel compassion for his family and compassion for the shooter himself, wondering what kind of pain and isolation he must have felt to come to the place where the ending of human life seemed the best answer. I’ve worked with clients who’ve committed atrocious acts and I feel no less compassion for them than for the victims of those acts. My mantra has been compassion, always compassion.
Yet in this past year I’ve recognized how this compassion has been used against me. It has been manipulated such that I have overlooked and tolerated things that I never should have. And as I began to grapple with the reality of this, with the reality of the cause of my anxiety and soul-weariness, I felt a crisis of identity and purpose. I didn’t want to be a person without compassion, but I wanted to protect myself and wanted truth and accountability for those who have misused and abused my compassionate nature. And then I came to a Truth.
Compassion and Justice are not mutually exclusive.
In fact, for true justice or true compassion to exist, they must exist together.
If we do not seek accountability and pursue true justice, we allow the people who committed atrocity to continue in a life that is less than whole and less than they deserve. To be compassionate toward those who were brought to pain, we must hold the perpetrators of that pain to be responsible for the consequences. We cannot make true and lasting change without accountability and justice for the millions who’ve been oppressed and marginalized.
However, justice without compassion leads to punishment, violence, glee in consequences and pain. Justice without compassion leads to dehumanizing a fellow human. Justice without compassion fuels hatred and doesn’t allow for change, growth, and healing. Justice without compassion leads to recidivism, crime, and suffering. We cannot achieve true life- and world- changing dialogue without compassion and first trying to understand where everyone is coming from. We cannot right a wrong by committing the same wrong directed at different people.
And so I beg of you. ALL of you. Find the compassion. Seek justice. Do these together. Nothing will change until we see each other’s humanity.
I understand that there are people who will not engage in thoughtful conversation. I understand there are people who will not be swayed. And I understand that someone else’s actions doesn’t determine who or how I choose to be. And I will forever do my best to follow the Truth as best as I know it to be.
Yes, set boundaries and uphold safety when safety is being threatened.
Yes, hold people accountable and seek justice. And yes, see that they are people, not monsters. They are people who are angry and hurt. They are people who have lived something so atrocious that it has brought them to believe in anarchy or become violent or follow the words of a tyrant. They need to be held accountable, and if we are going to find a way forward, we need to dig deep and look through eyes of compassion.
Justice will not come until we can pursue it through compassion.
Peace will not come until we can help the unheard feel heard.
Unity will not come until we ALL choose to see the “other” as a person with whom we can unify.
Compassion and Justice are not mutually exclusive.
Compassion and Justice are necessary cohorts to achieve the same goal.